First Love

As much as I would like to think that I’m gonna have a happily ever after with Joey, sometimes I’ll just mentally give myself a pinch and remind myself not to get too ahead of myself and think about the future. I’ll steer my thoughts into another direction and think about what if.. well.. we don’t end up marrying each other. You know, due to some reasons or another, what am I gonna do and how am I going to live my life without him being the important figure in my life.

Crap. Typing this out makes me realise how negative a person I actally am. But I prefer to phrase it as being realistic. Cause admit it, reality is a bitch at times and it will goes exactly the opp you want it to be, isn’t it? Things have a knack turning the opp way out, so I’m not being pessimistic, just trying to be well prepared for any kind of situation Life is gonna throw me.

In actual fact, Joey was the one who taught me not to get all ahead of myself with the incessant planning/dreaming. Oh disappointed I was when he told me that. I was 19 or so I think and my heart/dreams were crushed a little but ah-ha, fast forward a few yrs to present time, whenever he start talking about OUR future, I’ll be the one telling him with a dead pan tone, “how you know you’re gg to marry me?”

See, I’m a wonderful student, always have been always will be.

But Life without Joey as the Boyfriend is going to be.. boring I would say. Less laughter going on, I mean.. it’s really hard to find a man who’s willing to do all these silly actions just to get a laugh from you and yes, he’s that kind of guy. There goes my ranting partner as well cause even though we hardly communicate throughout the day (My friends will know what’s going on with my daily life more than him, I swear. Cause we really don’t talk much over the phone/smses) he knew 100% of the important stuff that’s gg on with my life, I can trust him not to spill any beans to anyone nor to judge me (ok, 95% of the time he don’t). No more pats on my head, kisses, weekend cuddling, personal masseur, hair-dryer (yea, sometimes he towel dry my hair for me. :D) and many many more. I won’t even try to complete the whole list cause it will take ages.

Granted, I might meet someone few years down the road and that someone might be like Joey or even be better, who knows? But I think for as long as I’m alive, I won’t be able to forget the feeling he gives me when he kisses me or that happy skip to my footsteps I’d have (ok, maybe more of a light and happy feeling in my heart) when I knew I’m going to meet him after a long day at work. I won’t be able to stop loving him because he’s a part of me for too long a time and you just can’t erase that whole memory and feelings away. A small part of my heart will always be his, I guess.

Thats why people say your first love is always unforgettable.

And he’s mine.

So.. it’s good enough a reason right?


(hello baby, I know you’re reading this. I bet you’re so touched so shower me with more kisses when you see me.)